I am a fraud. I earned a college degree by accident. I’m supposed to be an electrical engineer, yet I seem to be unable to do many things that an actual electrical engineer should be able to do. Somehow I graduated from school with honors. I know nothing. It’s true. If you looked in one of my textbooks, picked a random question and asked me for some kind of solution or answer, I would give you a deer-in-headlights look and probably bullshit some kind of response.
I’ve said many times I love to learn. This is true, but it’s more along the lines of accumulating vast stores of knowledge with very little practical application. I have a grasp of many a foundation and background concept, but advancing beyond that brings me great stress and I often feel like a failure. I have no confidence in what I know.
After recently getting pushed out of the Moon Door, I feel like I have to make a change. I have a professional licensing exam in just over 3 months to study for and upon looking at the voluminous
brick doorstop study book I purchased several weeks ago, I am acutely aware that I have much work to do.
When I graduated college, I was burned out and unmotivated. 13 months later I feel very much the same way. I am drifting along with a job that has no hope of professional growth or development and am spending the majority of my non-work waking hours simply existing. The prospect of re-learning my college curriculum is terrifying me and I feel it’s a task that at present is nigh impossible.
This is where I bring up some proverb about starting a journey with a single step or climbing a mountain or some cliche nonsense. Well unfortunately, that is the exact outlook I need right now. I have thousands of pages of engineering knowledge to absorb and I need a kick in the ass to get me going.
Dear future self: if you aren’t making significant progress and you’re reading this again, what the hell is wrong with you? Just (expletive) do it. Be a better person. Stop being such a dummy. Ready?